Expectations: A One Shot Series
by xJordanKayX
Summary: This is a ten (10) part One Shot Series, with all stories more or less loosely based on Hayley Kiyoko's Expectations. I tried hard to make this a Choni exclusive series, but I have found myself not able to write anything Riverdale related without throwing Falice into the mix. So this will be divided 50/50.
1. Feelings CHONI

Feelings

Antoinette Topaz has been in love with Cheryl Blossom a lot longer than she dares to admit, even to herself. That doesn't mean she's not completely open with those feelings, despite all of her friends telling her to stop it.

She's always been one to say what she thinks, to do what she wants and never did she spare a single thought to the fact that there could be situations in which it were better to keep to yourself. Her friends are all on her side, but they also try to make her see that it's not always best to be so open – just like her parents used to do when she had been a child. The only thing she'll achieve with it is getting hurt, because, despite what Toni vehemently believes, people aren't good. Especially not Cheryl Blossom.

Cheryl Blossom is the Ice Queen in person and everyone seems to be sure of that. Everyone except Toni. And she is determined to do everything in her power to make them see that.

She starts with small, unobtrusive gestures to show her how she feels. Holding open the door to the cafeteria where she normally would have just walked through and let it fall shut behind her. Bending down to pick up the pen the redhead has dropped when they crossed paths in the hallway. Up until this day, Toni has no idea if Cheryl even knows she exists at all, but when she's graced with a small smile when she hands over her English notes from the day before where Cheryl had been absent, Toni knows she's made herself noticed at least.

Her biggest achievement is, weeks later, volunteering to tutor the redhead in math and, though there had been other options available, Cheryl had picked her without hesitation. Granted, the other options consisted of a couple of math freaks that already knew the college syllabus by heart and could solve five different problems simultaneously, in their sleep. Cheryl would never, ever, want to be seen with anyone like that. Not even in her own home, practicing school work so she won't fail the year.

It's a slow process after that, but Toni just knows it's going to be worth it. She has no indication whatsoever to the nature of Cheryl's feelings towards her or if the girl is even into girls herself, but that doesn't bother Toni in the slightest. She'll try her best and, if Cheryl turns out to be straight and not interested in her, Toni at least finally knows.

They meet for tutoring once a week, twice when there is an exam coming and on those occasions the dark haired beauty drops very unsubtle hints about the feelings she has for the redhead and what she would really like to happen. Cheryl doesn't encourage her, but she hasn't outright told her to stop yet either. Maybe, she's not the Ice Queen everyone thinks her to be and maybe, Toni will not get hurt by confessing her feelings one day in so many words.

She doesn't mind, that Cheryl seems to not be flirting back, because that would come soon enough, for if she weren't interested at all, she would have said something way sooner. And so Toni keeps on opening up to the redhead, flirting, teasing, showing her that she knows exactly what she's feeling and she's only waiting for the other girl to realize she's doing the same.

That day comes rather unexpected for Antoinette and it takes her so completely off guard, that she avoids Cheryl for a whole day in school until their next tutoring session. The off-handed comment about taking her out should Cheryl pass the next math exam on Friday is nothing to blow out off proportion, but the little wink and the suggestive smile she receives just before she closes the door to the Blossom home has her heart skip a beat. And then, suddenly Antoinette Topaz is scared about her feelings for the very first time in her life.

But it only lasts that one day after the unexpected occurrence, and then the girl is her old self again. She reduces the flirting to a minimum on the next session, but it's still there, but Toni really * really * wants Cheryl to pass that exam. A date with the Queen Bee/ Ice Queen of Riverdale High is at the very top of her list of priorities. And then they receive their graded exams a week later and Cheryl passes with the highest score she's ever received in any of her exams since elementary school and Toni is nervous.

Cheryl picks her up that night and they head to the cinema, watching some cheesy romance Toni would probably not have watched if she'd been alone, but with Cheryl she feels like she's exactly where she wants to be. Some time during the movie Toni dares to take Cheryl's hand in her own and it's probably just her imagination, but she swears she sees the read head blush while holding on tighter. When Cheryl laces their fingers during the following obligatory milkshakes at Pop's, it's Toni who blushes. And by the end of the night, both girls share and receive their very first kiss and it could not have been any better of an experience.

She's still being told to be careful, that she's feeling way too much way too soon and that she's falling way too hard for a girl that is only capable of feeling nothing and will just break her heart in the end, but Toni ignores all those negative comments. She's happy and she knows she's always falling way too fast and Cheryl hasn't been the first one she's felt like this for. But she's the only one that's actually lasted for as long as it has and if she has any say in it, Cheryl would also be the last one she'll ever feel like this for. And if either or both of them would end up with a broken heart in the end, then that's just life and has nothing to do with Toni being too attached or Cheryl not being attached enough.

And that's all both of them need to know right now.

It's on their two months anniversary, that the first of Toni's friends stop trying to talk her out off the relationship. Not all of them are convinced of Cheryl's heart and ability to love and still think letting yourself be ruled by feelings for such a person will only break you in the end, but enough of them had actually made an effort to get to know the presumed Ice Queen and had found her to be a normal person just like they are.

What finally makes Cheryl win over the rest of Toni's group of friends is the surprise she's put together for their six months anniversary. The red head had enlisted all of their help and while some of them had only reluctantly started out, all of them had changed their demeanor pretty quickly. It is everything that is Toni and so much more and no one that is only playing with somebody else's feelings would ever care enough to orchestrate all that. It's when Cheryl says 'I love you' first, propped up against a tree stump with Toni's dyed pink hair in her lap, that all the lingering doubts are erased from all of their minds.

And that night, Toni takes Cheryl back to her place, where her parents aren't home and shows her exactly how much she loves her, too.


	2. What I Need FALICE

She shows up at his trailer like every time. He's been at her house, too but always just in the capacity of the father of her daughter's friend. When they are like this, it's always in the confines of his home, where nobody can see them, where nobody can judge her. They are both divorced long enough to make new partners a natural and logical occurrence, but in a town where she had spent years spreading hate about the Southside, the Serpents and their leader, she's ashamed of letting people know that she's fallen into bed with said leader.

At least that's what he thinks. They've been doing this for months now, she seems incredibly happy about the development of their relationship, until he mentions going out – making this public. That's when she pulls back, gets dressed and leaves, usually avoiding him for at least a day just to make it clear where she stands on this. But, this is so much more than just sex, and they both know it, because when she shows up she spends the day curled up in bed with him, eating take out in short and one of his shirts or teases him until he almost burns the dinner he's set his mind on to prepare. She tells him there's nowhere she'll rather be right now when he sits down at the table to finish a mundane task he'd put off when she had walked through the front door earlier, and waits patiently for him to be done. He complains about work and she listens and they just talk; about everything but their feelings. More often than not, she falls asleep nestled against his shoulder on the couch while watching a movie and wakes up still tangled around him, but in his bedroom. With him beside her.

And while he knows that she loves all the time they spend together, she can't make her mind up about them. She either doesn't know yet if they are worth the public scrutiny, or she's not brave enough to admit that she already knows they are. It's driving him crazy and he hates it, but he loves her and if that means waiting for her, then he'll do that in a heartbeat.

When she lets herself in with her key that day, he's just finished setting the table. She's brought breakfast, it's Saturday and they have the whole weekend to themselves. His son is, along with her daughter and a few other kids from school, invited to a weekend get away with fun and hopefully no trouble at a cabin one of his friend's parents own. They are both not working the next two days and they have every intention of savoring that time. And, after having not been with her for a few days now, today he doesn't even mind that she won't want to leave the trailer. He'd much rather have her all to himself this weekend anyway.

She sets the take out bags from Pop's on the table and greets him with a kiss. Her arms wind around his neck and she deepens it for a moment. She's missed him and, judging by his reaction, he had missed her, too. For a moment she thinks about letting him distract her, but then she opts for breakfast first because they have the whole weekend and she wants to take her time, wants him to take his time worshiping her like he is prone to. A quick encounter before breakfast, in his kitchen, is nothing she would describe as a bad thing, ever, but then again, taking this slow seems way more appealing today.

They eat breakfast, drink coffee and he asks about the last few days. She tells him about her work and her daughters, a smile on her face and she looks genuinely so happy that he can't help but wonder why she can't be like this around other people. He bites his lip to prevent himself from voicing it out loud, he's sworn he won't approach this topic this weekend. He wants to spend it with her in his arms and loving her and being domestic, pretending that this is just a normal day for them when they don't have to leave the house in between their otherwise hectic lives, where normally he would pick her up after work and she'd kiss him in public.

She takes care of the dishes, while he's getting the living area in order. It's his standing weekend tradition, cleaning up the trailer and he's changed his routine for a while when they started this, because they only had the weekends then, when their children were out together all day. But when their fling had gradually turned into an actual relationship, a secret one granted, but a relationship nonetheless, and they spent time together during the week, too, she'd told him to act normal. She doesn't care if he takes some time to do what he had to put off because of work days earlier. She's here, she wants to be here, with him, and it's just normal. Like they'd do if she would ever get the courage to admit she likes him in public

After she's done with the kitchen and he's put the rest of the trailer in a state of cleanliness he thinks is appropriate for the occasion, he pulls her into his arms, drops a few kisses onto her smiling lips and playfully nibbles on her neck and she revels in the feeling of having him close to her. It had taken way less time than he would have needed cleaning alone, and there's no need for a lunch break yet. So he makes a different suggestion. During the following movie they had picked out together about a week back but hadn't come around to watch yet, they spend more time teasing, flirting and making out then actually watching the TV screen.

But it doesn't matter, they can watch the movie again whenever, but they haven't been able to kiss and touch each other for four days, and it's the longest they have gone without each other since the beginning of their affair. In the very beginning they had been together every day, even if it had been just for an hour while both of them knew their children were nowhere around to find out. Then, when it had become harder to make up any excuse to leave the house every single day, especially after they had started seeing each other for more than just sex, they still made the effort to meet up at least every second day. And, four days were just way too long.

They make it about halfway through the movie, not really seeing much anyway, and then she ends up in his lap and every wayward thought of watching the film are completely erased from their minds. She reaches behind her back, leaning away from his wandering lips on her neck and blindly grabs for the remote. Shedding her top in the process, she lets his hands and lips roam and cherish her upper body for a good while longer, all the while holding him to her skin with fingers grabbing fistfuls of his soft, dark hair. When she finally makes to get up, he tightens his hold on her and lifts her up from the couch and makes his way to his bedroom.

She must have dozed off for a while, because she wakes an hour later to a tickling sensation somewhere on her lower back and she smiles. He's tracing her skin with feather light touches, once in a while pressing a soft kiss into her hair. She keeps quiet for a moment longer, not wanting to end the sweet moment.

"I love you" It's just the barest of whispers but she's out off bed and away from his touch faster than he had taken to even utter the words. She's already slipping back into her panties when he realizes she's about to leave. And he's determined not to let her this time.

"Shit, Alice" He rakes a hand over his face, watching her fasten her bra behind her back and turning in search for her top. "You were not supposed to hear that, but since you did... your shirt is in the living room... can we please just talk about this?!"

She abandons her search at his words, remembering she'd gotten rid of it before they even reached the bedroom. Instead, she reaches for her pant, sliding them up and over her hips. "I don't know what you want from me, FP"

"What I want is not even that important right now" The way she stands there in front of the bed, in tight black yoga pants and a semi-transparent black bra, raising an eyebrow at him, because * of course * it was important what he wants, he has the fleeting thought of pulling her back into bed and ignoring the whole thing. Making her forget it happened; making her forget he said anything. And then he props himself up against the headboard and, against his better judgment, opens his mouth to speak. "What I need, is for you to be sure. Sure about what * you * want, sure about me, about us, this. You know where I stand in all this"

She turns on her heels without a single word or even a glance in his direction and, after a time she probably took to slide into her shirt and shoes, he hears the front door open and shut. He heaves a sigh, tries to calm down his anger and gets out off bed, too. When he enters the front part of the trailer, he's alone.

So much for their relaxing, argument free weekend together, he thinks. Why couldn't he just have kept his mouth shut and gone on like he had before? He's loved her for months now and it had been enough, so what changed suddenly today? Nothing, is the right answer. Absolutely nothing had changed. It had not ever been enough, he had just been telling himself so for long enough to make him believe it himself after a while.

He cleans the living room again, washing the drinking glasses they had used, rearranging the few cushions three times until he finally realizes that it's stupid what he's doing. He's never put them in any particular order on the couch, they just lie where and how they happen to end up. But it has given him something to do other than overthink their situation and he's not angry anymore. At least not at himself for saying anything in the first place. After changing his bed sheets (again, it's at least something to do) and throwing the old ones in the washer immediately, he's not even that mad at her for storming out anymore, either.

It's when he chances a look at his phone to see the time and decides to make himself some simple dinner, that the text from his son arrives. It's short; a simple request to please meet him at Pop's in fifteen minutes and bring his phone charger with him. Apparently, the boy had forgotten it at home, but no one of the other kids have the same phone he does. He's about to ask if it's really that necessary to have his phone tomorrow, but then he thinks about the meager options of dinner he has at home and goes in search for the requested item.

Fifteen minutes later he enters the diner. His son is nowhere to be seen, but Alice turns around at the sound of the bell above the door. With a shy smile, that contrasts her confident stride completely, she gets up and meets him halfway.

"I love you" She says it loud enough for not only him but the other customers to hear and, as if to erase any lingering questions that sentence might have brought to light, she grabs the lapels of his flannel shirt and kisses him. Deeply. Just where they are.


	3. Sleepover CHONI

The best thing about being best friends with Toni Topaz? She's pretty and sweet and fun and the most loyal person Cheryl Blossom ever met in her entire life.

The worst thing about being best friends with Toni Topaz? Being in love with her because of all those things and knowing that there is not a single chance of those feelings ever being reciprocated.

She knows the brunette since ever, they have grown up next door to each other and had become inseparable the first time their mothers had put them in the same playpen for an hour. Exhausted, they had fallen asleep net to each other, hands and foreheads touching and when Toni's mother lifted her out of the playpen to go home, they had both woke immediately and had been making a fuss until she'd set her daughter down again. There ha never been any mistaking that this was going to be a friendship to last for eternity.

And up until the moment Cheryl realized she's attracted to girls and, one girl specifically, there had not ever been anything they had not told each other. Cheryl likes boys, has kissed one or two already and had felt the sparks with at least one of them, but she can't deny, that girls had always held just that much more of an appeal for her. Technically, Toni knows that, too, but Cheryl had done everything in her power to assure Toni that she has never been, nor will she ever be attracted to her. They are best friends, and that it exactly how she will always see Toni, nothing more and nothing less. It's a lie now, and it has been a lie back then, but the last thing Cheryl needs is to destroy the only real friendship she has, with the one person that means so much to – has even before romantic feelings have arisen.

When Toni calls her up to tell her she'll be over in a minute to go through the redhead's closet for first-date clothes, Cheryl asks her to bring some of her mother's homemade cookies for the inevitable sleepover. Then she takes a look in the full length mirror in her room and schools her features; the dreamy smile has to go, and the love sick expression in her eyes needs to vanish. She's only satisfied she'd successfully hidden her feelings when her cheeks stop glowing. Then she falls back onto her bed, buries her nose in her abandoned fashion magazine and waits for her best friend.

It has been about a decade since Toni had last used the front door, or the doorbell for that matter, at her best friend's house. Their mothers had been best friends since High School, too and on more than one occurrence, they had used the other's house like their own; using the never locked backdoor. It hadn't taken long for six year olds Cheryl and Toni to pick up on this habit and so she brunette lets herself into the house now, too, balancing her Serpent shaped throw pillow in one hand and the plate of cookies in the other. She kicks the door shut behind her with her foot, earning a glare from Cheryl's mother who had been busy preparing dinner – always enough for two more people should they (un)expectantly show up, just like Toni's mother does every time she cooks – but had abandoned her task to give Toni a hand. An apology and a greeting later and the girl is on her way up the stairs.

She pushes the door to her best friend's room open with her back, almost dropping the cookies to the sound of Cheryl's laughter. The redhead is still lying on her stomach across the bed, feet propped up against the headrest, but the magazine is not nearly as entertaining as watching the beautiful girl stumble through her door. Toni shoots her a look, barely able to hide her own smirk, and after she's deposited the plate on the dresser next to the door, she flips her friend a particular finger. This time, the smile breaks out fully across her lips. The snake pillow finds its way next to the cherry shaped red one Cheryl keeps on her bed. They had gifted those to each other about five years ago, when they had strolled through the annual fair and had come across a shooting stand. Since that day, they are always dragged over to the other's house at sleepovers, and neither of the girls in in the least bit ashamed to admit they only sleep well cuddled up in the same bed, clutching those pillows tight to their chests.

Toni informs Cheryl, that she has seen her mother make dinner downstairs and the two decide to spend the time they have before they are called down to set the table with more fashion magazines, lying side by side on the covers, laughing, talking and gossiping. And Toni tells her about the date with some guy she had met at Pop's yesterday when she had been waiting to pick up their milkshake order. The guy had been working behind the counter, had taken her order and served her two shakes not five minutes later, but in between he had managed to slip Toni his number and, after long and careful consideration, that had spanned a whole two hours and a talk with Cheryl about something completely different, she'd taken out her phone and had texted him. Another hour later, she knew just the basics about him, but had scored a date this weekend.

As much as she tries to hide it though, Toni can see that Cheryl is not really happy for her. The redhead makes a good attempt at pretending it's not that she's not happy about the date so much as she doesn't know why the brunette hadn't mentioned the guy yesterday. And Toni is quick with an apology that Cheryl accepts on the spot, because she hasn't been hurt about that t all honestly, but she needs to uphold the pretense.

It's easier for Cheryl to push down and hide her feelings when they are with their little group of friends, or when they sit down to dinner or just a friendly conversation with their respective mothers, but this casual talk about everything and nothing at the same time is okay, too. Not always, some times she just wants to lean over and shut their bantering up with a kiss, but most of the time she's okay with it. She is preoccupied with the topics at hand and not so much able to sneak lingering looks at the girl beside her, or inconspicuously check her out. She can pretend there are no feelings at all for a short while, too, then, but that mostly only lasts for the time it takes for Cheryl's eyes to find Toni's again.

Times like this, though, are extremely hard. Dinner had come and gone, Toni's mother had joined them and Cheryl's father came home from work just in time and the five of them had spent another half an hour after just sitting together. He adults had relocated into the living room rather soon, however, and the girls had taken this as their clue to retreat to the bedroom as well.

And now, Cheryl has taken up her position on the bed again, dodging the occasional shirt or dress flying her way, while Toni raids her closet for the perfect outfit. It's always been like this, and it's nothing new for Cheryl to watch Toni change into different skirts and tops without sparing any thought to it at all. It doesn't get easier with time either. More often than not, Cheryl catches herself staring, and she's quick to make sure Toni doesn't notice. She hasn't yet or, if she did, hadn't mentioned it at least.

With the perfect outfit on hand – a black mini skirt made from leather and a blood red top that shows way too much skin than Cheryl would want Toni wearing for anyone but her – it's Cheryl's turn to push her friend down onto the chair in front of her dresser and threads a brush through brown locks, spiked with pink-ish strands here and there. There's going to be make-up tries in the end, too, but first Cheryl has free reign over Toni's hair. It never takes the redhead long to find just the exact style that suits the other girl best for any occasion, but it's also true, that Cheryl could be done in even less time. The opportunity to touch Toni like that without having to explain why, is something she won't waste ever however.

When they are finally done, Cheryl is a mess inside, but Toni looks more beautiful than ever; and it's for that guy and not for Cheryl, and that mixes Cheryl's emotions even more.

And then, there comes the part where Cheryl can be her true self, show however much emotion as she wants to and be as close to her best friend as possible. It's late and they head to bed. Here, Toni is always the one seeking contact, scooting as close as possible and cuddling into her friend's embrace. It's just how she sleeps the best and it had always been this way.

It's incredibly dark outside and the clock on her nightstand shows just past 3 am., when Cheryl realizes she's not the only one in the room that is awake. She's lying on her back, staring at the non-visible ceiling, one of Toni's arms around her waist and the brunette's head is nestled into the crook of her neck. But it's not the usual calm exhale against her skin that indicates she's sleeping that Cheryl feels, but rather a quick intake of breath and a long exhalation, accompanied by a rather tense posture. She bears it for another five minutes, and then Cheryl carefully turns onto her side without breaking the contact around her waist and searches Toni's eyes in the dark. What she sees when she finally finds them takes her breath away. It's a look she had never thought to see in those gorgeous eyes.

It's also the only thing Cheryl needs to see before she leans forward and kisses the soft lips she has been dreaming of kissing for so long. And there's not the slightest hesitation from the other girl, opening her lips to welcome the redhead's tongue into her mouth and deepening the kiss in the process. Before she knows it, Cheryl finds herself on her back again, Toni pinning her down to the mattress with her hips. And they are still kissing; it's like oxygen is not even a necessity anymore.

Toni is next to her, propped up on one elbow. Her face reflects slight worry and an emotion Cheryl can't place. She's also not sure, where those are coming from in the first place – they had both been more than fine just minutes ago. And then Cheryl realizes something else, and her cheeks take on the color of her hair and she strongly hopes she has not actually said anything out loud earlier.

Toni is dressed, Cheryl is dressed. She might be feeling a very distinct warmth in a very distinct place, but that's just the result of a very realistic dream. A dream, not the first one, and definitively not the last one, but nothing more than a dream nonetheless.


	4. MercyGatekeeper CHONI

**WARNING: THIS DEALS WITH DEPRESSION AND ABUSE**

This follows canon in general, but for this one shot, I decided to forego the Sisters of quiet Mercy and the emancipation storyline.

* * *

Mercy/Gatekeeper

Jason had always been the favorite one. The only son, the first born; even if that was just a matter of mere minutes. And Cheryl isn't the only one who knows this. You had to be blind not to notice the favoritism and, she thinks, even if you were, you could not miss it.

He's been trained to take over the family business ever since he was old enough to walk and talk, even though he has never shown an interest in doing so and probably never would. Cheryl isn't really interested in the family business either, but what she's interested in, is spending time with her father and proving that she's just as much worth as her brother is. The sole fact that she is a girl does not make her any less of a human being than her brother. Her mother is involved fully enough and, with time Cheryl starts to realize, that it's simply * her * they don't like.

It has been a crushing realization for a six year old, to find out your family doesn't really want you, probably doesn't even love you. The only person she has is, maybe ironically, her brother Jason. She's learned from a young age to put up a tough exterior and to act cold and like she doesn't care, because she can't and won't let her parents see how much their indifference is affecting her. That would be just what they want and Cheryl is determined not to let them win. Sometimes, when she thinks back on those days now, she's surprised at her own perceptiveness of the situation for such a young age.

But, the tough facade had not only helped her in front of her family, but it had also made making friends extremely difficult. Growing up in a loveless home, you have no idea how it feels when people are being nice to you, simply because they want to. Simply because they actually like you; maybe even want to become friends. She's driven away more people than she cares to admit or even count, and most of them had not even made it past an initial 'hello'. Others have been more persistent and tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, because the whole town was aware of how she's been treated by her own parents. Again, it was very hard to miss. But in the end, they all gave up eventually, too, because the cold and indifferent exterior just made her outright bitchy and unapproachable.

Until she had met Toni Topaz. Their first ever contact had been a fleeting exchange at an illegal drag race, and as much as Cheryl tried to deny it to herself, she had felt the sparks between them from that very moment on. Of course being from the Northside, being the Northside It-Girl as she liked to call herself, there was no way she would ever actually act on any of those sparks. She'd rather drop dead than admit a lowly Southsider can be her equal, can be worthy of her love and affection. In that regard, she was just like her mother, and she'd always hoped, that this would maybe be a way to prove to the woman that * she * is worthy of * her * love and affection. But it had never helped her. She had always been and will always be the child their parents never wanted.

Not even Jason's death two years ago, just a few months before she'd met Toni, by the hand of their own father, had done anything to change that. If anything, it had only made things worse. Where she had been simply ignored in favor of her brother before, now she was the sole focus of her mother's hatred towards her. No matter what she did, Cheryl could not ever get it right, could not ever do anything her mother would be proud of her for. And she did try, with all her might. But she was a girl, she was heartless, she was loveless, she was not interested in boys like a good girl should be and, for that, she was deviant and a bad seed. Her mother had a whole lot of other things to say about her, too, but Cheryl tries to not let any of this get past the carefully erected wall around her heart. But sometimes, this is easier said than done, and in times like these, she's incredibly glad for her best friend.

Toni had been persistent on getting to know Cheryl, on getting behind the facade and find the real, human, girl hidden somewhere behind it. She'd suffered through name callings and snide remarks and hateful looks, until she had finally see a glimpse of the girl she has been searching for. She had made her move then, had surprisingly been there for Cheryl when the girl had, also surprisingly, finally cracked. That night at Pop's will forever be their favorite moment.

From then on, their friendship had grown ever stronger and Cheryl was glad to have finally found someone to be there for her, to help her pick up the pieces when she's feeling down again.

Before, she had locked herself in her room, cried herself to sleep. More than once, she had let her anger out on one of the stuffed animals lining her bed and later, when she didn't need stuffed animals anymore, she'd cut up the occasional expensive throw pillow. Of course that had only gotten her into trouble with her parents and she's been scolded and slapped across the face and grounded for weeks, but Cheryl didn't mind all that. She had had no friends to go out and see anyway and when her parents were mad at her, they at least were paying attention to her. Jason had tried to help her, but, as much as she could confide in him, she also couldn't talk to him about everything: He simply didn't understand her and, some days, that made the pain even harder to bear instead of lessening it.

Now, she locks herself in her room, calls Toni and vents about everything that is wrong with her life and how everything is spiraling and how she has no control over anything in her own life anymore. She can tell Toni doesn't get it either, telling her everything will be alright, that there will come a time where she will leave all this behind her and start her life anew, happy and without depression. But with Toni she doesn't mind if she gets it or not, it doesn't hurt to find the other girl can't really imagine how being Cheryl Blossom must feel. Jason was either supposed to know how she feels because he's been treated the same way, or else neither of the two should be feeling like this. What hurt so much was the knowledge that her brother couldn't understand because he had been treated differently and, more importantly, better by the same people. People that were supposed to love both their children equally.

Sometimes, she sneaks Toni in through her bedroom window. That would have been a pretty difficult task once upon a time; when they were living (happily) ever after in their manor. But since Cheryl had snapped some short time before she's met Toni, had burned down her own family home and actually tried to kill herself, they had relocated to a place where things like that were much simpler. Toni had heard about Thornhill burning, hadn't known Cheryl back then and when the redhead finally told her that it had been her that caused the fire Toni hadn't judged. They had spent hours cuddled up on her bed, Cheryl talking and Toni listening. And it had been the one and only time, that Toni had really understood the pain and suffering Cheryl had been subjected to her whole life.

When Toni comes over, it's mostly in the middle of the night, because they can't risk anyone seeing her sneak onto the property or into the girl's bedroom window. Cheryl's mother has not once in the last two years of the girls' friendship allowed Toni to actually set foot into the house, but then again, Cheryl isn't sure if this is just because Toni is trash and from the Southside, or if any friend of Cheryl's wouldn't be welcome in her home. But that makes it even more exciting. Defying her mother in her own house was always a thrill for Cheryl. Toni had tried to tell her once that it is not healthy, acting the way she does, but Cheryl hadn't cared. Defying her mother is the only thing, that makes her feel alive these days.

Well, almost the only thing, because when Toni comes over, she also makes her forget.

It's not ideal, Cheryl knows that, but it's better than what she used to have.


End file.
